


her path to freedom

by timetravelingpalmer



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/M, Letter fic, Ray being Ray, nora in time prison, soft darhkatom, the darhkatom content we deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 13:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18283415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timetravelingpalmer/pseuds/timetravelingpalmer
Summary: prison is boring. really boring. what started out as a way to pass time, or maybe just curiosity, turned into nora's freedom.----AKA: a series of snapshots showing ray and nora growing closer when she is in jail.





	her path to freedom

**Author's Note:**

> big BIG thanks to @MrsNoraPalmer for being the absolute best!!! she encouraged me so much to write this fic when i thought i was losing my way and is even the one posting this because i cannot. her help means the world to me and she is all around just the sweetest.
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

Ray had gone and her cell had been repaired. It was the best day she could remember in a long time. She felt cared for in a way she hadn’t been, encouraged by new and somewhat unlikely friends and visited by… well by someone she cares about. Seeing Ray seemed to make everything better. From when he saved her from Mallus taking over, to when he showed up at the renaissance fair, to when he comforted her in the cargo bay when she felt the most discouraged. A glowing feeling seemed to follow him.

The wine started to wear off leaving her feeling more empty and alone than ever. Nora started to question whether or not it actually happened. She was so shocked when she saw him grow back to normal size that someone could have told her she dreamed the whole thing and she would have believed it.

Nora flipped over onto her side on the abomination they call a bed to see the envelope the letter came in propped up on the book that Mona left for her. Nora herself certainly didn’t place it that way. She silently rolled her eyes at what was clearly Mona still trying to get her to read the letter.

Maybe it was the lack of an alcohol induced buzz or the new hope she found in the advice of her friends about letting herself shut down, but she picked up the envelope. She was surprised to see that there was actually a letter in it and it all wasn’t some ploy to get to see her. Although, it was a sweet and considerate ploy.

She took a deep breath and opened up the letter.

_Dear Nora,_   
_Hi! If everything went as planned that means I actually got to see you today, which is extremely exciting. I’m glad. I have missed you. Sorry for the strange way I had to go about it though. I tried to get Ava to let me just visit you but apparently Nate's dad is investigating the Bureau so bending the rules would be more than frowned upon._

_I still think it's wrong. I know that you made the choice to turn yourself in and I’m so proud that you want to seek redemption instead of running away even when I gave you the option to, but I just really wish I could see you. I hate thinking about you all alone there. I know you don’t deserve that._

_I’m not going to give up, Nora. I’m going to keep trying to see you for real and in person. I’m not going to give up on trying to convince the team and Ava and anyone else out there that you are a good person. And I am most definitely not going to give up on you._

_Until next time we get to see each other I figured that we could send letter back and forth. Mona (she seems nice) already agreed that she would deliver as many as we wrote. I really hope that you decide to write back because again, I miss you (like, a lot). But if you don’t want to I get it. You might just want some time to yourself, to just think. I guess my point is that I don’t really know what you want, but if it happens to be someone to talk to, I’m here. No matter what I promise._

_From, Ray_

He signed his name with a dorky smiley face.

Nora wondered when she would stop being surprised by Ray's kindness. Every time she had come in contact with him she was left astounded, questioning his sanity a little bit maybe, but overall thankful. At first she was suspicious, that it was mostly an act. There had to be some chink in his armour, something under the glowing optimism. He can’t be as picture perfect as he seems.

If she hadn’t been trapped in her cell with Mona and Ava for the day she would have crumpled it up, jammed in under her pillow and tried her hardest to forget it existed. But, something about what they had said today stuck with her. Even though it seemed hopeless to still try and have a life with friends and comfort when she was stuck in jail, physically kept away from the possibility of a real life, she wasn’t going to give up. She wasn’t going to shut herself down.

God, maybe Ray was rubbing off on her.

There was nothing left that could hurt her. No manipulative fathers, no demons, no one to fight against. The only thing she had to fear now, the only reason she would shut herself away again, is the lonliness. If Nora got her hopes up just to have them fall to the ground and shatter she wasn’t sure they could ever be put back together again. But for once she had people who she felt like she could trust, that she could pass off her hopes into their steady hands and all would be well.

Nora made the decision to write Ray back in the morning, once she could get paper and a pen from Mona.

\--------

Turns out she didn’t even have to ask as Mona showed up with a pack of glitter gel pens and thick stationary. Nora rolled her eyes but now graciously accepted the gift unlike the day before.

As soon as Mona left, Nora sat on the floor folding her legs one over the other and got to writing. it was harder than she thought and didn’t quite know what she was actually planning on saying.

_Dear Ray,_

_It was nice to see you yesterday. Even if it was… shocking. It was nice to know that you cared as much as you let on. I’ve missed you too by the way. Which I guess considering that we haven’t spent that much time together is kind of weird but you obviously feel it too. So how weird can it be?_

_You’re right, I do want someone to talk to. For so long I just wanted to shut down, close myself off. If I didn’t let anybody in they could take anything away. But I think I’m ready to try and figure out a different way to deal with this. I want to talk._

_The only problem is my cell is boring. Well I mean you saw it. Just a metal room complete with weirdly fashionable furniture and force field with nothing to do but sit. So there isn’t much to talk about. Seeing as both my past and present aren’t exactly great conversation starters, maybe you could start first, in your next letter I mean. I don’t know, maybe stories of your missions or something? Or even before you joined the disaster you call a team? (sorry but it’s true)_

_I wish we could see each other too. Mona’s nice enough and is good company but when she has to leave it’s all too clear that this is her job. But, considering the stunt you pulled I don’t think we are going to get to actually see each other in person in a long time. In Ava’s book breaking the rules doesn’t get them removed just inforced. Don’t feel bad about what you did though. I’m glad you did it. It really was sweet._

_Come to think of it I’m not sure Ava’s going to allow letters anymore considering you used it to break into jail, so I’m not sure if this will even get to you. I’m glad I wrote it either way. I don’t want to shut down this time._

_From, Nora_

_(P.S. Could you hear everything we were saying when you were shrunken down?)_

Nora took a deep breath and folded the paper in half, sticking it in a envelope for Mona to deliver once she came in later today.

She immediately sealed it. If she read it over again she would pain herself over every line and drive herself insane. What she had said was much more emotional than she was used to being and if it wasn’t going directly to Ray it would have scared her. But, she had spent the last night worried about what the answer may be to the very last question. Had he really heard everything she said? Nora said those things in confidence to people who, at the time, she didn’t like or cared if they liked her. But, thinking about saying those things to Ray is unfathomable. It made her feel vulnerable and out of control. Nora was used to being in control of how people saw her. Even if they hated her it was probably because of something she did to make an effort to push them away. Keeping people at bay made that easy. Even though she wanted to change her ways, it didn’t make it any less scary.

\------

_Dear Nora,_

_Hi! I’m so happy you wrote back!! After what happened I was scared that you wouldn’t want to. I couldn’t hear details of what you were saying but it was clear that you didn’t want the letter in the first place. I’m glad you took it though, and not just because if you didn’t I’d be thrown in a garbage can stuck to the glue of an envelope forever. Oh no let's not think about that._

_I am happy you want to talk though, partly for selfish reasons seeing as I really want to talk to you, but also because I’m glad you’re not trying to isolate yourself. I know from experience it doesn’t work trust me._

_Hmmm I know I’m supposed to start this but I’m kind of at a loss for what stories to talk about. There are a lot of stories but I don’t know which ones you would want to hear. I could talk about when I went to the moon, or the jurassic period, or when I met George Lucas. Ugh I’m slowly realizing I’m not the biggest fan of talking about myself. It just sounds all braggy (even though each of those missions were undoubtedly cool)._

_I talked to Ava about the letters. Since you got his one you have probably assumed that she is letting us send letter now. I think you really go through to her. She seems to get now that you aren’t a threat. Maybe you used to be but surely not anymore. More importantly, I think she can tell that you are a real person, not some monster that you never truly were. Also, good news! When Ava and I talked she said that good behavior could warrant visits! And because of the way she raised her eyebrows at me when she said “good behavior” I think she was more talking about me pulling another stunt like I did before, which I PROMISE to never do again. I tried to get her to talk about details but she said that none of it was set in stone and it was too early to be getting excited. I just can’t help it._

_I hope I see you soon!_

_From, Ray_

_(P.S. I didn’t hear much but I thought I heard someone mention glitter? I didn’t know what it was about but I thought it would be nice to add.)_

Purple and silver glitter fell out of the envelope on to the floor. Nora rolled her eyes, knowing that she would be trapped in this cell for years but somehow still have flakes of glitter littering the floor.

It seems that Nora was right. Ray wasn't as perfect as he seemed.

He said a lot of things in this letter things that shocked her and left her wanting to question him further to get the entire story out. It was longer than the first seeing as he had something to respond to. But one thing stuck out more than his going to the moon or hanging out with dinos.

_I’m glad you’re not trying to isolate yourself. I know from experience it doesn’t work trust me._

How could he know? What made him isolate himself? Part of the illusion of Ray Palmer is the consistency. He acts optimistic to a fault almost all the time that imagining him any other way is just impossible. She's seen him at some pretty dark points and she had never once seen him actually sad for long. It may not have been one of the stories that Ray had mentioned talking about but it is what she wanted to know.

\-----

_Dear Ray,_

_What do you mean isolate yourself? It might be over stepping and something personal but I’m just curious. You said you know that it doesn't work, what happened? I know it’s not something you mentioned talking about but maybe you might want someone to talk to as well?_

_The other stuff seemed interesting don’t get me wrong but I think I’d rather know more about you not the things you’ve done. There's a big difference between the two and I think I’m starting to get the hang of noticing them in myself. I think part of that is because of you._

_If you don’t wanna talk about it I get that. I wouldn’t really want to talk about my past either so I guess I can’t expect you to. It’s not like you owe me anything. If anything its the other way around (but we are square after I helped you out with John. I mean it. So don’t come here expecting favors anytime soon.)._

_I’m glad Ava agreed to let us keep sending letters. They really do help. Thank you for wanting to write them. I hope I get to see you in person too. Just… don’t get your hopes up. Trust me I like Ava a lot more than I did before but I don’t like one bonding session is going to turn her to actually bending the rules for me of all people. And it didn’t seem like you were on her good side either so I guess we can’t really rely on that either. I just don’t want you to be upset if she changes her mind._

_I’m looking forward to your next letter. I always seem to be now._

_From, Nora_

_(P.S. Who’s George Lucas?)_

\---------

_Dear Nora,_

_Okay full disclaimer this isn’t my happiest story and really wasn’t at a good point in my life. But since, you asked I’m happy to tell you. I don’t exactly try and keep it a secret, it's just not my favorite thing in the world to talk about, but I don’t mind writing it out. I especially don’t mind that it’s going to you. I trust you and I think you might understand what I was going though._

_Before I was the ATOM and before I started Palmer Tech I had a fiancee. Her name was Anna. Our wedding was three months away when she died. Saying she died is more of just a nice way to put it, makes it seem like there wasn’t a physical cause. But I saw it. She was murdered. I was there and saw her neck snap in half. i was too weak to do anything._

_That’s why I made the ATOM suit. so I could be stronger. so I wouldn’t have to let more people I care about get hurt. for a long time I thought the suit was the only thing that made me strong or worth anything._

_When I was making the suit and running Palmer Tech I tried to stay at an arm's length. But being a loner was never really my thing. I like being around people even if I don’t love them and I know they don’t love me._

_It had been a little over a year after Anna died and I was just trying to move on when I started dating someone else. She has slowly become a blip in my life, an anomaly that shouldn’t have happened._

_Even though I was with someone I had no other friends. I was still so attached to Anna that I was never really emotionally invested. I went through the motions, said all the things you’re supposed to but reaped none of the benefits. None of the love or compassion._

_Once plans for the suit were done and I started working on the actual building I shut myself away for days. I thought about nothing but making the suit so I could be stronger. I didn’t eat, sleep or even shower. Everything became frantic. I would hit a wall and be unsure what to do to get a piece of tech to work and I would break down, just so frustrated I would pull part faulty prices but by bit and slam tools down on the workbench leaving dents and scratches. I was so angry. So angry she was gone. So angry I couldn’t save her. So angry I was alone._

_Even though it was hard, I stayed positive because I always thought that could get me through anything. In a way, it did. If I gave up entirely I don’t know where It would be but it most certainly wouldn’t be a good place._

_Then I was declared dead (long story, accident in the lab. There was an explosion and I was just shrunken down and captured but no one could find me). When I was rescued there was nothing left waiting for me when I got back besides my company but that didn’t make me happy. Maybe in another time and under different circumstances it would but once it was put in perspective the work just seemed pointless. Nothing changed but the name of formerly Starling City._

_There was nothing left. I realized that no matter what I did and how hard I worked the world was going to keep turning. I wasn’t after fame. I didn’t want people mourning in the streets six months later. It was just that I felt like my life didn’t mean anything and for some reason I convinced myself that my death could._

_I didn’t declare myself to be alive again. I didn’t see the point. If I couldn’t make a difference alive then maybe I could as a dying man._

_The suit was made and I started being a vigilante and saving people. I thought it would give my life the meaning that it used to have. I continued to feel alone no matter what I did. The people I surrounded myself with weren’t my friends, they were just people. The loneliness didn’t go away. It didn't matter how much time had past._

_But, luckily that changed when I joined the Legends. It wasn’t long being with that group of ragtag “disasters”, as you call them, before I was starting to open up again. They were all rough around the edges but family all the same. That family has changed over the years. People have left or passed on. Things have changed but that feeling of being a family never faded._

_I finally felt like I was making a difference, like what I was doing mattered. I felt like I mattered for the first time in a long time. And I still do._

_Some days I still think about her. I wonder if she was the one and now there is no one else in the world for me. There are times I’m sure that she had to be, but more recently I’ve been paying much more attention to what's in front of me than what's behind me._

_Isolating myself didn’t work. It didn’t convince me that I didn’t need anyone. All it did was affirm to me that I certainly do. I only started to feel like myself again after joining the Legends, after I found my family._

_I know a family must be something hard for you to even imagine but you can’t give up on it. I know that holding out hope is hard but it’s a lot harder to feel happy without it._

_I’m not gonna give up on you, so please don’t give up on yourself._

_From Ray_

_(P.S. I know this letter was really heavy so there didn’t feel like there was a place to put this in but, YOU DON’T KNOW WHO GEORGE LUCAS IS? He created Star Wars! It’s arguably the most influential movie franchises ever!)_

\-----

Nora's next letter to him as filled with apologies, that all those terrible things happened and that she was the one who asked him to tell her. He shouldn’t have had to do that, but Nora egged him on. Ray was a very… agreeable person. He would do anything to please someone else and to get along. She feels like she took advantage of that, even though she didn’t mean to.

Ray repeats in his reply that he’s glad he did it, that it felt good to write it all out and she had no reason to apologize. He made it clear that he didn’t think that way anymore and that he thinks he’s moved past it. Maybe he would never be completely over it because it is a part of him but he doesn’t and won’t let it consume him.

Even with Rays assurances the letter still shook Nora to her core. She had hoped that he wasn’t as perfect as he seemed just to make her feel better about how much of a disaster she is but now that she knows she wishes she never that about that. She misses the time when he was a perfect image in her head, someone who was always happy, someone without a past that haunted them. Seeing people for what they truly are is always hard. Nora was used to people turning out to be evil, or the people who claimed to care about her trading her off, but somehow this hurt more. It hurt to think about Ray ever feeling that kind of crippling pain. More than ever she wished he could visit her. She wanted to pull him close as if that would stop him from feeling that kind of pain again.

Ray's letter didn’t affect their relationship. They still worte back and forth, changing to lighter topics like they had been talking about before. The details of Ray's past didn’t change him, only how Nora saw him. She didn’t think poorly of him, felt bad maybe, but never thought he was weak or any of the things he claimed to think about himself.

Things went back to normal. Ray lost his mind when Nora said that she has never seen _Star Wars_ and claimed that they would have to watch it when she got out. He even said he was going to start a list of movies she missed out on when she was a kid. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she technically had a life sentence and probably was never going to actually get out. She was scared he would realize she wasn’t worth it and he would stop writing and trying to visit her. She wanted to enjoy this kind of comfort while it lasted.

They talked with a kind of normalcy that Nora wasn’t familiar with but fell into easily. She could barely remember a time when she could talk about pointless things, where things weren’t just life and death. It used to be impossible to slow down and just enjoy things. Now she at least had hope that she might get that chance even if it was from a jail cell.

Rays letters came more and more frequently, she sometimes even got two a day. Nora told Mona that she didn't have to worry about delivering all the extra letters on time. There were more people and creatures in this prison and she had enough on her plate. Mona didn’t take to kindly to what Nora was saying.

“What do you mean don’t deliver them on time!?” She nearly screeched last time Nora brought it up.

“I just mean this is your job and you probably have more important things to do. You don’t have to prioritize some dumb letters.” Nora actually thought they were far from dumb. they meant so much to her, kept her sane in prison. but, it was easier to at least pretend like they didn’t matter as much, so that when they inevitably went away she wouldn’t let it break her.

“THEY ARE NOT DUMB! You guys are like the romance of this generation! I am literally honored to deliver your letters! And besides with a time courrier it’s easy.”

Sometimes Nora thought Mona might be a little too involved.

Ray had about the same (but probably less loud) reaction to Nora telling him that he didn’t have to send as many letters as he was. He was supposed to be out there saving time and having to sit down and write letters everyday had to become annoying at some point. It would break Nora heart if he stopped sending her letters but she didn’t want him to feel like he had to. But of course he wasn't going to listen to Nora on the matter and continued to reaffirm that he likes writing the letters and getting to talk to her everyday even if Time Bureau rules complicated it. He was willing to deal with the challenges.

Soon he was able to send her care packages as long as they were cleared with Ava. It started with a bouquet of flowers that sent Mona into another frenzy about how Ray is apparently insanely in love with her. Nora would be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about it but she was not about to get her hopes up. Anyways, the flowers weren’t that romantic. There wasn’t a single rose in the arrangement and the letter said that he only sent flowers because he didn’t know what she would like to have sent to her and he thought that flowers were a safe bet and would brighten up the cell. He wasn't wrong. They were beautiful.

 

\-------

 

As the flowers turned into her favorite candies, books, and an old ipod with soundtracks from musicals on it Mona became increasingly insistent that Ray would do anything for her, spinning the whole arrangement into being much more dramatic than it was.

“You have him wrapped around your finger.” Mona murmured far too loudly for it to be just to herself as she delivered another letter from Ray.

“He’s just nice! I’m sure he would do this for literally any other person in my situation.”

“Come on! The guy sends you multiple letters a day, care packages, and tried to break into jail to see you. That's not normal nice behavior. That’s ‘I’ve got a huge crush’ behavior.”

Ray is eccentric, there is no denying that, but it didn’t mean he felt anything but friendship for her. He just cared. A lot.

Nora took a deep breath a rolled her eyes. “Okay, maybe-”

“Ha! So you admit it!” Mona shouted looking more than satisfied with herself.

“I didn’t admit shit.”

“Mhmm whatever.” Mona said on her way out. “I guarantee in your next letter you could tell him to shave his head and he would.”

Nora sat with that thought for a minute. _Nah he wouldn’t_ , she thought. _But maybe…_

She looked at the book Ray had sent to replace the one she had just finished. It was a romance that Mona had suggested for her. On the cover were the two main characters. One sported a mustache that Nora originally thought was cheesy but now seemed as though it would do nicely for what she had planned.

She was more than aware that this would actually prove nothing besides Ray just being stupider than she thought but she set down sat down and wrote her next letter keeping what Mona said in mind

\-----

_Dear Ray,_

_Your last mission sounded insane but at this point I wouldn’t expect anything less from the legends._

_I loved the last book you sent me by the way. Thank you so much for making this place feel a little more like a home. Being able to actually do something that’s not staring at a wall makes this whole thing a lot more painless. I wish there was something I could do to return the favor but there really isn’t anything that I can send back or give to you._

_God I can almost hear you saying something cheesy like “You don't have to give anything back Nora. The reward I would want is you to be happy.”_

_I think the last time I gave a gift it was to a little girl in the asylum. I never found out what she was in there for but she was a few years younger than me and just as scared. I drew her pictures and painted for her, hoping it would make her feel better. Other than that I don’t really know how good I am at giving back._

_I just remembered you still haven’t told me about your mission in the jurassic period (Note: add Jurassic Park to the list of movies I haven’t seen). Maybe you could tell me about that one next. Things are as boring as ever around here so I kind of need these letters for entertainment more than anything else. Not that they aren’t important to me, trust me they are but I've been staring that the same walls for a month so you gotta help me out here._

_Love, Nora_

_(P.S. Thanks again for the new book! I especially like the guy with the mustache on it.)_

\-----

Nora stared down at the letter as she read it over as she always did. Her eyes stopped and widened as they landed on the words _Love, Nora_.

Her heart stopped.

That was definitely not what she had meant to write. It wasn’t on purpose. The thought of writing it hadn't even crossed her mind. It was a simple mistake. _Or was it?_ Nora thought to herself. She shook the thoughts out of her head. No way she had time, or wanted to have to time to unpack what this all meant. She was probably better off ignoring any implications that those two words had.

She scribbled as hard as she could over the words cursing Mona for not thinking to get her pencils that can erase. Even after the paper was seeped through with ink she continues to scratch at it with the point of the pen. Nora thought about what would happen if Ray could somehow see what the original message was and her movements got more frantic until it ripped the page and left a black mark on the desk where the paper once lay.

Nora let out a groan in frustration. The letter was already a mess to begin with. She as far too sappy when it came to thanking Ray. It’s not that she felt like he didn't deserve the thanks but reading it over it didn’t seem like her. She was never the one to give praise that wasn’t somehow underhanded. While she was writing it though it came so naturally, she didn’t think about what she was saying she just wrote what she felt on the paper.

Nora also talked about her past, another that she just didn’t do. She had no fear that Ray would do anything bad with the information or would think any less of her but she had never talked so candidly about her childhood. It had always seemed like something she had to skirt around as if it was some untouchable thing, but when she was writing it the words didn’t make her sink into the darkness of her past. It felt like she was talking about things on a grocery list or whatever people with normal lives thought about. She had even smiled when she recalled the memory. Even though it took come from a sad place and time she still somehow managed to see the bright side in it. God, Ray really was rubbing off on her.

Then she ended the terrible letter with a lie about a mustache to see if Ray would really grow one. Nora felt like when you looked back at your younger self and cringed at what you used to think were good choices, except now she just thought back to fifteen minutes ago. How could she have ever thought that would be a good idea? Mona suggested it but that didn’t mean Nora should do it. It also wouldn’t even prove anything. So what if he grows a mustache? Maybe he just thinks it would look good. The odds of him doing it weren't that good anyway... Well maybe not so much. There was a reason Nora chose a mustache instead of a shaved head for her supposed idea for a dream guy. He could shave a mustache off in five minutes but would have to wait to grow back hair. In the back of her mind she knew that there was a decent chance that Ray would go through with it and she couldn’t let herself be the blame from Ray looking like an idiot for longer than he had to.

Nora continued to spiral in her thoughts about why the hell she had chosen to write the letter that way, to divulge so much and sound less like how she was and more like how she wanted to be. She was scared of how Ray would react. He could be clueless at times but was very perceptive when it came to changes in behavior. He always wanted to help if someone was feeling anything other than happiness. Nora was fairly certain that Ray didn't scare easily, if he did than she wouldn’t even be here, but she was still so scared of him leaving her alone.

 _Because you love him_ , Nora could almost hear Mona's voice. This was all her fault. If she hadn't come in her cell talking about Rays ‘undying love for her’ then she wouldn't be thinking like this. Yeah, that’s it. All of this was only because Mona was talking about it earlier and had nothing to do with her real feelings in the slightest.

Nora was about to rip the letter in two and start writing another one that didn’t scare her as much when the door to her cell opened again and Mona stepped through.

“I totally spaced it and forgot to deliver these to you,” she said holding out a pack of Reese's Cups (she had told Ray they were her favorites). “Oooh another letter?” Her eyes landed on the paper in Nora's hands. “That was quick.”

Nora sighed. “Yeah I guess so it’s just that it’s… not the best I’ve written.” Her anxiety over the letter somehow decreased when she saw her friend again. Her brain stopped jumping to conclusions or frantically coming up with every worst case scenario in the book.

“I’m pretty sure you could write Ray a letter without a single coherent thought in it and he would still want to frame it and put it up on the wall.”

Nora reached for an envelope, making up her mind. She would send it. Writing it felt natural and comfortable and was only stressful when she started second guessing herself. If it was something she wanted to say then, then it must be something important. “Well I wouldn’t take it that far.”

Mona took the letter as Nora handed it to her and left the cell with a wave of her hand.

Nora's stomach dropped as soon as she was alone again. “Why the fuck did I send that?”

\-----

She knew there was a possibility that Ray would pick up on what she said and would actually take action, but she didn’t expect it to happen so quickly.

Mona had hung out in her cell for a while after delivering the letter and begged Nora to open it because she “had to see the budding romance in action.” Nora thought about it for a second. The letters were personal to her but at the same time they were nothing secret, nothing in them that she would be embarrassed is they got out, so what was the harm really.

Oh was she wrong.

As she tore open the envelope a picture fell out and onto the floor. Nora picked it up and turned it over and saw Ray staring back at her now sporting a thick mustache. It was one of the most ridiculous things she had ever seen in her entire life. She immediately burst into laughter. It a laugh that she hadn't heard from herself in quite some time. It was purley joyful, nothing snarky lying beneath it.

He did it. He really did it. Maybe Mona was right, he was hopeless.

Mona perked up surprised at Nora's quick change in mood. She handed over the letter and explained what she had put in her last letter, although it pained her to say that Mona was right. She got the reaction from her friend that she was expecting after the laughs subsided.

“See! It’s what I keep telling you! He’s in _love_ with you!” Mona raised her eyebrows on the word love.

It was still all too easy for Nora to claim that it was a large leap to take from facial hair to true love, but the package that was sent with the letter had much more damning evidence of affection than the photo. Ray had taken note of Nora’s love for art and sent her every art supply under the sky. Water colors, oil paints, pastels, charcoal pens, with all kinds of paper and canvases to go with. It was a sweet gesture even for him. When Nora had drawn the most it was with crinkled printer paper, broken crayons, and dull colored pencils. It was all the asylum was willing to give her. This was more than she had ever thought of having.

Mona left the room with yet another remark about her supposed love life and Nora finally read the letter that came with the picture and the gift. There wasn’t much interesting in it besides his excuse for that monstrosity of facial hair. Apparently he had “always wondered what it would look like” so he asked Gideon about it. God he wasn’t even good at lying on paper. He also left a bit about the supplies, saying that he had no idea what she liked to work with the most so he got her everything he could think of and hoped that he covered all the bases. Nora would have been grateful for a pack of half dried out markers.

Oh, there was another detail that piqued Nora's interest. He ended his letter by saying _Yours, Ray_. Almost like a yours truly but not quite there. There was something comforting about it. She had grown a personal attachment to him and since she was stuck in a cell it was easy to think about him on her terms. Nora clung to those images when she felt like everything was caving in, when she couldn’t sleep as nightmares plagued her, when all she could imagine is the same four wall the rest of her life.He was one of the only comforts she could rely on. It almost seemed like Ray knew that. That he was hers.

She didn’t mind the idea of being his too.

\------

Mona stopped in her cell at least four times a day. Once for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and her final rounds for the day. If Nora sends a letter first thing in the morning she always has a new one by at least dinner, sometimes even earlier. If she sends one during the final rounds, like she did last night, then she always has one by the morning, but this morning Mona had nothing to give her. Something about that didn’t sit right with Nora. There had always been letters coming in and out like clockwork.

 _Nothing's wrong,_ Nora thought. _Stop being so clingy. You can’t expect him to spend every second writing letters to you._

Even though Nora told herself that he was probably fine and just couldn’t find the time to write to her, she will had a heavy pit of anxiety in her stomach. What if he no longer wanted to send the letters, that he was getting tired of her? What if he was on a mission and was in trouble? She wanted so badly just to see him, to know that everything is alright.

Nora spent the entire morning into the afternoon, drawing and painting while trying to ignore the worries about Ray that had been nagging her since Mona came in her cell empty handed. She took ages to settle on what to draw. Nothing quite comforted her. Sunsets and flowers weren’t personal enough to soothe her fears. Ray was the last thing that gave her comfort but she was scared that would soon be gone, thinking about it only made her worries worse. So, she settled on doing a portrait of Mona. She was the only person she got to see in the flesh everyday. Her friendship meant much more to Nora than she let on and she thought it might be nice to have something to give her.

Lunch rolled by and Nora heard Mona's footsteps headed to her cell. She had grown quite accustomed to the sound and could now hear it from a mile away. Nora wanted the picture to be a surprise so she quickly and carefully pulled it off the easel and placed it flat under her bed out of sight. She picked up the most recent book she was reading that was on her nightstand and layed down on her bed as if she had been there for hours.

Mona's head peaked in the door and Nora looked back down at her book.

“I have a surprise!” Mona squealed.

“Hm like what?” Nora scoffed. “Pizza instead of the normal food?”

“I think this is at least a _little_ better than pizza.”

Nora looked up but Mona was still only standing halfway visible, blocking whatever the surprise was behind the doorway. It piqued her curiosity but looked back at her book still, making a noncommittal noise as she did. She was still in a strange mood after not receiving a letter this morning and she wasn’t sure that whatever Mona was hiding was going to help. But, as soon as the book gripped her attention the sound of two separate footsteps pulled her right back.

Ray was standing inside the boundary. It was really him. In the flesh. Not words scribbled on letters or care packages sent with goodies inside. It was him.

“Surprise,” He said somewhat awkwardly but still with the bright smile on his face that never faded from her memory.

She got up and ran full force into his arms before she could think about anything else. “Ray!” Nora felt him take a few steps back as they collide and her holds her tight. She burrowed her head into his shoulder as let a feeling of comfort and warmth spread over her. That feeling was still new but she sank into it easily, without a second thought. Nora was suddenly overwhelmed with happiness and teardrops began to grow in the corner of her eyes. She wasn’t alone anymore. He was here.

As she held him she thought about who this person had become to her. He was no longer an annoyingly optimistic enemy turned ally. He was a friend, but someone that word didn’t quite do him justice. He was no longer a rosy image to her, now he was a real person that was somehow more beautiful than any fantasy could conjure. Nora thought about Anna, about every detail of Ray's life he had felt like he could divulge in her. Every detail made him more imperfect but yet more worthy of waiting for, more worthy of wanting. It all made him seem more like he was hers, like he had said in his last letter.

Slowly their grip on each other loosened and Nora came to her senses. She was never the type to start crying like she did. Slightly embarrassed, she wiped her tears away and took a few steps back. “What are you doing here?”

It was obvious that Ray was shocked to see her in this emotional state as well because he moved forward to caress her cheek as he asked. “Nora, are you alright?” He was tearing up a little bit too. Not as much as her and also not as surprising.

Nora wiped more profusely at her face, leaving red marks on her cheeks, and pushed his hand away. “I’m fine, back off.” It was said weakly. She didn’t really mean it. It was just much easier to fall back into their old ways, like it was back in Berlin, when snark dripped from her lips and Ray was kind enough to follow her anyways.

Ray just smiled, as if he knew exactly what she meant and why she was pushing him away. It might have felt like old times for him too. “Ava finally cleared me to come and see you! She said that for now I can only come for about and hour three times a week and if that goes well it might be even more!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?,” She shoved his chest playfully. “I was worried sick when I didn’t get a letter this morning.” Nora's smile was stained on her face, unwavering.

“I wanted it to be a surprise! I told you I was working on it and Ava approved it yesterday. And I’m sorry about the letter. I knew that if I wrote to you I wouldn’t be able to keep it to myself.” He looked up in thought. “It didn’t really cross my mind that you would be worried.”

“Of course I would be.” Nora said it softly. It was a sentiment that was meant for him only.

“I’m so glad I get to see you again. I was basically restraining myself from sneaking in through the vents. But considering last time I didn’t exactly think it would do much to help.

Nora rocked her head back and forth as if she was weighing the options in her head. “Yeah probably for the best.”

They both laughed softly and made themselves comfortable on either side of her cot, sitting with their legs folded like they were little kids. Their only entertainment was each other but they spent every moment completely captivated. Ray talked for most of the time, seeing as there was nothing quite new for Nora to discuss. He talked about getting clearance to bring something they can watch movies on so they can make a dent in his movie list before she gets released, and everything else that they could do together when that happened. He was already planning for a future with her in it. It could never be.

Again, Nora didn’t have the heart to tell him that wasn’t certain. As far as the law was concerned she was going to live in this cell until she wouldn’t need a place to live any longer. She wouldn’t be able to bare it if he had learned that and decided she wasn’t worth it anymore. There was nowhere for them to grow from here. Her biggest fear was that this was as good as it was going to get. She was thankful for it, but she didn’t want to do anything halfway when it came to Ray.

The most she could muster was a simple, “well, maybe,” when Ray talked about when he hoped she would be free again. He seemed to ignore it. Instead he reached over and grabbed her hand and looked deeply in her eyes as he said, “It will happen Nora. I can feel it.”

In the moment it was easy to believe him, but when his hour was up the fantasy disappeared from around her. This cell was her home now, no matter how much she wished it was him instead.

\------

Ray visited three times every week at lunch. His visits became one of the only things that she remembers being able to look forward to. They meant that for a moment out of the day Nora could feel free even if she was locked away. She got to feel more like a person than she ever had. They got to hug and hold each other, look at the other while they talked, examining their mannerisms and how eyebrows raised and nose crinkled when they got excited, learning every bump and crack in their fasade. Their laughter rung out through the room and they both basked in the sound, wishing it could stay with both of them, that they could be followed around by the others joy.

Nora grew more and more comfortable with him than she had been with anyone. She told him anything he wanted to hear because she wanted him to know. She wanted him to know everything, even the nasty, evil bits. He had been the first person to see her as she was as well as who she wanted to be. He cared and watched out for her at every turn, vene hen Nora insisted that it wasn’t necessary. In particular he worried the most about if she was taking care of herself.

He came in one day when Nora had just woken up from and nap and was yawning whenever she opened up her mouth. His eyebrows pushed together. “Is something wrong? Are you feeling okay?”

Nora thought she could laugh. There was something so cute about how worried he was about something so insignificant to her. She placed her hand on her shoulder from where she was sitting next to him. “I’m fine Ray. Just tired is all.”

“Any particular reason?” Ever the scientist he wanted to get to the bottom of every problem and find a solution.

“Nightmares.” The word didn’t mean much as it came through her lips. Nora had dark images disrupt her sleep since she was a kid, she didn’t think anything of them anymore. They were still terrifying, but something she got used to with time.

Ray, on the other hand, did not see this as no big deal. “Oh no. Do you wanna talk about them? Sometimes that helps.”

“Not really.. They are just about what you would expect from someone who was possessed for over a decade.”

“Doesn’t mean there's nothing we can do to help.”

The next day Mona handed her the old ipod with a note attached. _Thought this might help._ On it now was a bunch of calming white noise albums, rain falling, waves slapping against sand, and a rainforest jungle.

It worked to no avail.

All it did was make her feel like she _should_ be relaxed but didn’t quite finish the job. It only made her focus on the noises and made it impossible to actually get some sleep. With the sound came the feeling of disconnect. Something about it was too formal. Nora needed something personal. When her sleep made her feel like a demon was taking over yet again she needed something to remind her of who she is, of her own humanity.

Nora told him this in not so many words in her next letter, seeing as Ray couldn’t visit for another day or so. He was extremely sorry it didn’t work even though there was no way it could have been his fault. He promised that he would find a solution. Nora just continues on saying it’s not a big deal. there are much worse things that could be happening to her and if that nightmares were the worst of it she considered herself lucky.

In his next letter Ray hesitantly proposed a new idea. _I know it’s a little strange_ , he wrote. _But what if I just record myself?_ He went on to explain that he would recount her favorite stories that he has to tell and she could listen to that instead, hoping it might be a little more personal. She had reread several of the letters that detail the missions he had went on. Many of the stories interested her. It was like she was reading the transcript from a movie and less like real life. Even though her life was a horror film and she was quite used to the unimaginable happening, it was refreshing compared to the grey walls of her cell. Nora told him which ones she liked the most and he recorded his retelling of the stories. She listened to his voice as she drifted off to sleep.

Ray was right. For a while it worked. Key words: for a while.

One night she had the worst nightmare she could remember. Nora heard him in her sleep. Ray was screaming, calling out for her. He was in pain. She tried to figure out a way to stop it but by the time she realized where the pain was coming from it didn’t matter. He laid in the floor, still and unmoving. It was her fault. It was Mallus that had killed him.

Nora woke up in a cold sweat. She was unable to fall asleep for the rest of the night.

If Ray wasn’t visiting that day she wouldn’t have told him in a letter and he would have no way of knowing. It would only worry him more and Nora didn’t see the use in that. But, he had stepped in her cell and instantly saw how exhausted she was. Nora has always been good at lying but it was getting harder and harder to lie to Ray.

He vowed over and over again that he would find something that worked and would cure her from the nightmares but Nora didn’t need that. Maybe it would be nice but after all he did for her she could never expect anything out of Ray.

Right before he was escorted out by Mona he had an idea, he would come and visit right before she went to bed. That way her last memory before bed is hopefully (he stressed this quite a lot) a good one. Nora agreed even thought she would no doubt miss her lunches with him.

Ray was still working on getting her round the clock visiting hours but it wasn’t going as well as he hoped. It was however going exactly as Nora had expected. Ava gave them both a certain amount of kindness that Nora had learned to appreciate after getting to know the woman, but she was afraid that Ray was really starting to push her buttons. Before she knew it all of their privileges would probably be taken away just out of sheer annoyance.

The next time he visited Nora was already laying in bed before he walked through the door. She had been sitting there for most of the day, unable to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. The dreams used to not be so intense but now that Ray was on her mind they somehow became worse. She would fall asleep thinking about him, which would lead to a nightmare him. When she woke up he was never there and Nora was forced to sit with the idea that he may be gone forever until his letters came.

She could hear his voice through the pillows on either side of her ear and felt the other side of the cot shift downward.

“Nora? Are you alright?”

She laughed into her pillow. She must have looked absolutely strange. Whenever Ray came she was at least sitting upright. Only Ray would get so worried about her being in bed.

Nora looked up to seeing him standing over the bed, sporting a purple bruise on his eye.

“I don’t know are _you_ alright?” Nora tried not to let the worry seep through her voice.

Ray just shrugged it off. “I just got back from a mission where things got a bit messy. Everyone else is fine but I got the worst of it.”

From his stories Nora could tell he usually did. It worried her sometimes, that he always seemed to put himself in danger.

“Do you really think I care about everyone else?” Nora asked with a smirk. “Also if you had a mission and got hurt you didn’t have to come. You could have just sent a letter.”

“Well Gideon did strongly advise that I get rest but I told you I would be here and I didn’t want to go back on it.” Ray sat on the edge of her bed.

Nora pauses for a moment thinking over what to say. She was infuriated that he disregarded people who are looking out for him, but also sympathetic and she just wanted to make sure he was okay. He came to take care of her and try to help, what was the harm in her doing the same.

“Well that was probably not the best decision you could have made.” Ray opened his mouth to interject with more reasons why he just had to see her tonight. but Nora cut him off. “Look, if you need rest might as well lay down.”

Ray looked startled at the suggestion, his eyes opened wide. “I’m not going to take your bed. You’re the one that needs to sleep.” He said it with a yawn, exhausted from the mission.

“Who said anything about taking?” Ray looked more confused. “Geez I thought someone with your good manners would know what sharing is.”

“Nora are you sure?”

“We both need the rest. What’s the big deal?”

It was a big deal and Nora knew it too. She had never felt the want for this type of intimacy before. Right now she just wanted to be close to him, to take care of him. Nora knew, or at least hoped, that he had to feel the same.

Ray still looked uncomfortable and Nora was sure she blew it. She was too forward with him. He didn’t want this in the same way she did.

“Are you sure?”

Nora was starting to get annoyed. She just wished that he didn’t have to think this through so much. Maybe she was just reading too many of Mona's books and got some delusion that Ray was going to come here and sweep her off her feet. Nora just wanted some spontaneity instead of just tip toeing around each other.

“If I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t have said it.”

Ray relaxed. No longer anxious. “Good I just didn’t want to make you feel like you had to or make you uncomfortable.”

The annoyance disappeared. Ray wasn’t distant because of any reason to do with her other than her comfort. Nora wondered, as she scooted across the bed to make room, if in his mind it would always come first.

The bed was a size too small as it wasn’t exactly made for two people, seeing as her cell was essentially solitary confinement. Ray was also about one size to big. A few months ago Nora would have shoved him in the corner to make enough room for herself and then some. But now, Nora happily curled up with her head against his chest, letting it rise and fall with breath. Ray put his arms around her and held her hand softy in his.

Nora looked up at him. He looked so calm and peaceful, more than usual. She moved her hand up to his eye and gently rubbed around the rim of the bruise. “Now what happened here?” Nora asked it in a quiet and joking accusatory tone.

Ray smiled and whispered back “I got punched.”

Nora bit back a laugh as Ray continued telling the story of their latest mission and the much more complicated truth behind his shiner. His face lit up when he told the story, his voice getting long and low in some more dramatic part. Everything about this seemed so perfect it was almost easy to imagine she was more longer in jail, that she was free.

She wanted nothing more in this moment than to kiss him.

It was as if it would seal the deal. If she could love him then she could be free. Nora almost reaches up to him, but stops herself. She couldn’t do that to him. Nora was no longer in denial about her feelings and the fact that it was clear that Ray reciprocated them, but she couldn’t let it go any further than this. Them laying in a too small bed whispering nothings back and forth until they inevitably drifted off to sleep.

\----

Ray woke up in her cell the next day. He wasn’t meant to stay the night, wasn’t allowed to. If Ava found out about this it would be nightmare for both of them. Luckily, Mona had a plan. Seeing as she was the one who let them fall asleep and didn’t wake them up after their hour was up, as it would be a “crime against true love” as she called it, it was only right that she was the one to fix it.

She had snuck onto the Waverider and took Rays shrinking tech. She had been aboard many times now and didn’t have to look too hard to find it. Thankfully, it was early enough that the Legends were still asleep.

Ray was out of the cell and back into his own bed before anyone knew it.

\------

Months had passed and Nora was free. She could still barely believe that it was reality.

Hank Heywood had been found guilty of using the magical creatures for illegal testing, hoping to find something worthwhile, in order to further his own career. The jail wasn’t safe for anyone living there so everyone was relocated. Ray had fought for Nora to be moved to the Waverider on some sort of probation so she could help the Legends as well as prove herself worthy of not being in jail.

Okay so maybe wasn’t totally free, as in cleared of all charges free. But she was no longer in that cell and instead shared Rays company in his room. His room also had very nice doors that she was allowed to walk out of, which she thought was a bonus.

They were lying in his much bigger bed, the same way they had since Ray had tried (and succeeded) to cure her of her nightmares. Almost all the nights spent with him were peaceful and when the dreams did somehow make their way into her brain, they weren't as scary and seeing Ray by her side made it easier to go back to sleep.

Ray was murmuring, partly to her, partly to himself, about one of the new inventions he was planning, when Nora leaned up and kissed him. She has wanted to for longer than she knew and now, being free, the weight had been lifted. Nora could feel Ray's shock at first but he quickly sank into it as well, pulling her closer. Being given real clothes and walking out of her cell didn’t hold a candle to this feeling. It was fresh and new but yet long awaited. This was the freedom she wanted.

“I’ve wanted to do that for months.” Nora said as she pulled away.

“Oh believe me, so have I.” Ray said back with a grin so wide it made his whole face stretch and light up.

“Why didn’t you?” Nora wasn’t accusing him of anything. She wasn’t mad that he hadn’t tried anything to move them forward while she was in jail. She was purley just wondering.

Ray took a deep breath in. “I have been burned before. All I’ve ever been told about my love life is that I fall too hard, and it never ends up working out. I wanted this to work out so bad I was scared to even make it a ‘this’. What about you?” He asked it with the same gentleness she asked him.

Nora prepared herself to tell him the fears that had been plaguing her for months. If there was anyone who would listen, it would be Ray. She looked down at their hands clasped together. “I didn’t want to love you from a jail cell.” She took a pause. “I was scared that if I let things take a step further they would end up going a mile. I was scared of the idea of you having to live your life around the visiting hours at the prison, of making the love real and us constantly having to be apart. You would never have been able to live a normal life. You wouldn’t have had anyone to go home to. You would be alone for the rest of the 23 hours of everyday. I couldn’t be the one to put you through that.”

Ray placed his thumb under her chin and tilted her head back up to look at him. “You love me?” He asked.

Nora felt tears rising in her eyes. She let out a soft laugh. “I thought I made that pretty obvious.”

Ray laughed. “I love you too Nora.”

That night they fell asleep in the same bed and didn’t have to worry about plans for sneaking out. They slept in and held each other for as long as they could. They had breakfast like normal people do. Ray got to work on his inventions as Nora sat by and tried to sketch the look in his eyes just right.

They were living. They were free.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it!! please leave a comment they really mean the world to me!! also feel free to come chat with me @timetravelingpalmer on tumblr as well!!!


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